let me be with you tonight

this night was infinity. i painted it black when i closed my eyes. we froze time when we climbed onto roofs, sat in the moonlight, and let the city, stars, and cigarette butts cast a glow. laughter drifting on the humid summer air, rocks pelting into streets, and making plans for another day. sleeping under stars. when hours and days aren't enough time, overnights are the answer.

hands brush.

a shining light for you

i'm nostalgic for summer. in the ways i don't want to see it part. i am sad for days gone of waking up and joining eighty people i love. of having no agenda at nights. of moments of sun touching the world. of rainstorms that roar for attention, where you get soaked in one drop. of laughter and pureness, of innocence, tennis, swimming. trampolines and grass.

i let it go. i didn't hold onto every second. i didn't embrace every passing moment. it slid through my fingers before i remembered to grasp on. i'm left with two weeks and a head full of memories. wishes for another month. tears in the past, and tinges of regret over missing links. void of music but full of wiffleball in parking lots, skipping out on office work for hours of sliding through shaving cream, water, and mud. trade in something live for something from years back. wholesome songs. friends over summers and friends for all of time. it was a fair trade, and my heart is left reeling.

july is the reason i live. for a higher purpose, for feelings of contentment, completion, 'ungainfulness'. dancing under hand strung stars in ridiculous fashions. conversations of literally or figuratively. standing agasp of hometown celebrities and laughter tracing the air.

this is something i never want to see die.

i'm putting my heart out on the line

i just want to be noticed. to be cared for. i want you to care.

i'm tired of chances getting tossed away because of miles, of lack of time. poor excuses in a real world. not everything is perfect, and i'm learning to wait. to trust. to put my faith in something that will last more than a day, a week. i understand the lesson i'm learning but it's been wearing me down for years now. a sidetrip would be worth it, would make it okay. i fall too hard but its because i haven't fallen enough. you're building me up for something better, for something worthwhile, for something that won't break my heart and i know this, but i wish it existed within the lines i see everyday, within a short drive away. within conversations that leave me existing on a cloud, that leave me wanting more. everyday and i can't get enough. it's more than just a month long, more than just two months long. my eyes haven't grown weary, nor my heart.

let me know what this means, or let me go. direct my attention elsewhere.
you know i'm made of rock, i won't fall without your command.
you have every ounce of me, allow me to live for something else.

i have finally realized why july is the greatest month of my year.
why the sun seems to shine brighter and brighter than any other day.
why i can run on no sleep.
why i can hang out with the same people for over 50 hours a week and crave more.

the laughter. the understanding. the same purpose. more than just life. more than a few years. its forever.
the unique. the same. different outside and inside, but our hearts beat in the same fashion.

only those who live forever are those who catch my attention for a lifetime. only those who know there is more then the end of a night are those who i can say goodnight to without holding my breath.

and, sidenote. i want you in my life. for more than a few months.
why don't you find out if there is something more to stick around for?

put a little love in it

i feel so fulfilled these days. my life has been given purpose. it's been a while since i've needed a therapy, since i've needed to escape; relax and relapse. this music is familiar and my heart & mind know the dance. it's one fluid motion.
for her, its been a rough day. it was hard for her to keep her smile when she felt as if she were unravelling. one tug and the ball of yarn fell apart. her soul is fragile and its hard for her to stand on her own. but shes finding inspiration, her strength, confidence. shes finding it in you. and she is whole.

i want you to take notice. to open your eyes and realize i could be what you are looking for. you intrigue me. i want to know your secrets, your vices, your stories. past, present, future hopes. dreams. memories. i don't want to be a season. i don't want to be looked back on and a casual acquaintance. i want to mean more than everyday. than a bump in your day. more than fine.

dream me whole. i could use this. and not for myself. not for my sanity. but because i want this to be something more than a few days. a few months. i could use this. as could you.