05 February 2008

a little death makes life more meaningful

i'm enthralled. this one world i once known is finally becoming one i embrace. i'm moving past it, the hatred, i'm letting it go.

its put me somewhere better. its easy to see the hand of reason and love when you're looking over your shoulder. and i can't thank you enough.

a part of my old world is coming crashing into my present life. and she's bringing laughter, smiles, and memories of a time of death, yet life. i'm focusing on the life.

i am so happy with myself sometimes. i handle myself in way that makes me head jealous. i can flatter myself in the best way possible. synonomous with the way i can tear myself apart. its okay. its okay. i will get past it.

this is the last thing i should be doing, but i needed to take some time to just be happy. to invest in myself. i feel so alive.

i'm in the last room on the planet you'd expect, and all this inspiration is dripping from the ceiling. my fingers are channeling it through the airwaves.

you close your eyes and see me

i read words from the past today. i was strangely unhappy, and looked at it from a different perspective. i'm sorry i was like that. i am sorry you had to deal with me in that time. know that now i appreciate you a lot, and i realize what we had wasn't anything. but who isn't to say what could happen in a year?

who is to say what could happen next week?

in two days, my life is going to be complete.


03 February 2008

they've got us pinned terribly

i feel like such a disappointment.

i am tired of trying to live for myself and only getting met with disapproval and a strong and stubborn refusal to let go.

let me go. let me free. this struggle isn't anything i imagined. i feel like a prisoner in my own life. and it's of my own doing because i care too much.

you are crippling my future.


i am not independant as i like to think i am. and i'm terribly addictive. i hold on too strongly.

these are my faults.