the way i see it

the world will keep on moving. endless chatter is betterthan forgotton words. hot air carries farther than one would like. its all about my point of view and thats the way i roll.
jaded thoughts and predictable moments are far less than strung sentences that make you feel alive and dead all at once. we drink the brand names not because we love it but because we're dying to fit in. we're dying to feel a part of something.
being alone is more or less a way of life than a current state. the best of what i have to say is when im scrawling on a piece of paper alone in a crowded room. some times being alone is better than being the center of attention. i rarely feel self conscious when pen is to paper, but when lips are to lips is a whole other story.
im nothing compares to the girls with the shorts and the straight har and the letters publicly displaying where they belong. i wear shirts with names of past groups displayed, hanging on to the remnants of what once was.
we're too scared of not fitting in to let go of the past.

furrowed brows and smiling eyes contradict eachother, but your face is so familiar that im becoming used to it. grey on grey is harder to read that expected, and its not the way you think.
hometowns on other shirts make me feel like best friends. im not living up to what was expected of me. im a let down in more ways than one. i need to rediscover where i come from and learn to embrace my flaws. work with what you ahve and let the devil take the hindmost.
i just want to be surrounded by intelligence and embraced and accepted for what i am. who is there to let me follow my dreams, if only i knew what my dreams are, or were.
confidence isnt important when the goal is always changing. forget about your past; its time to live in the future. in the present. you are making it hard on yourself because you can't accept the changing times. i have a new goal for you, you'll be successful if ony you'll accept it. sometimes I CANT HANDLE LOUD NOISES AND OBNOXIOUS PEOPLE. I WANT IT TO BE QUIET AND I WANT TO BE KNOWN.

WHERE ARE YOU NOW?!

starbucks

update for now. caramel macchiato with extra vanilla and excedrin go quite well together. 'i need caffine in my bloodstream'

and no i don't feel right, i can see but i've lost my sight

things are happy right now.
if i had to describe it in color i'd pick yellow orange red and maybe blue.
i feel like i can conquer the world right now, and im not far away from everything i hold for myself.
i have connections, i just have to follow through.
and i feel as if i can convince anyone anything i need to.
i feel very motivated and great about it.
i can't even explain why i feel this way.

i like being in school but i feel as if i'll be bored with it in a few years.
i honestly just want to pick up and leave every month and go somewhere new for awhile every few weeks.
i want to meet everyone.
i want to know everything.
i want to see everywhere there is to see.
i want to experience life on the go and living out of a suitcase for months upon months.
i want to know firsthand what all of those songs mean; what the people who write them feel.
to be surrounded by moving landscapes, ever changing. to drown out the endless chatter of boys with headphones and their music.
to spend night setting up and planning and selling or overlooking and listening and making sure things are in the right place and meeting people in new places;
making them feel like they belong, like they do to me.
just for a season of my life; not forever.
i feel like its right there.
im so optimisitic

im so talkative.
im so out there.
im so giddy.
TAKE ME AND MAKE ME WHAT YOU WANT.
i just need to be asked anything and ill answer.
im open, you know it.
im waiting for nothing and everything.
i love the weather; so unpredictable.

i want to live in that house.
i feel content in the fact i can make plans for next year and know they will happen.
im not going anywhere.


and maybe im crazy but lightning might strike me tonight.

and he's sending me rockets!

little things like gilmore girls make my life complete.
i have the weirdest connection with my mom, and it makes me so happy.
we feel eachothers pain. its weird. i knew exactly where she had her root canal cause my tooth was hurting all day. i could tell her exactly which one.
i felt so frustrated all day long on friday, for no reason at all, and only when i talked to her. and she was having a terrible day.
i was having hard problems with signing up for ihsa, and she couldn't explain why she was feeling so annoyed all day long.

similar genetics and similar appearances apparently lead way to similar feelings and emotions.
its crazy the way we can interact with people we care so much about.
this explains why i feel so deeply when im annoyed with her, or we are fighting.
because in a way, im upset with myself without knowing it.

thats how it is.

sos calls to nowhere.

chocolate & coffee surrounded by endless chatter is all that fills the air. social status is irrelevant whenever everyone is on the same grounds; lets make this our favourite location, what we're known for. no matter where i am the clickng of kets always soothes me, its everything i want & represents so much more than the construction of words.

i am full of the same thoughts and the same ways to express them.
im old news and nothing new.

forget what you know; its what you do.

hudson; don't let us down

it ended up well.. it started not so well.
tired eyes convincing tired minds its not a good idea to wake up and study; spilled tears over old mistakes and lies. its old news, im tired of it all.
your smile isn't far as wide as it used to be.
your eyes are teling me they are reminding me of better times. and if only THEY WOULD WORK!!!

nintendo nes isn't as reliable as it used to be.
broken parts give way to flashing screens and disappointed boys and girls.
just let me play my duckhunt and everything will be alright.

relax

it blows my mind how much i resent the past year of my life. it drives me crazy that i cant let it go

today is national punctuation day.

so what better day to start over.
free from what has, theoretically, dragged me down.
its behind me, its free.
though im not going to lie, i love the words that lie there and how they make me feel, how they remind me of how i was and allow me to sink into that place where i can close my eyes and feel alive and dead atht e same time.
sometimes its better to let your eyes glaze over and blur; at those times you can experience true feeling pouring through the keys.
you go on about pen and paper.. my hand cant keep up fast enough in that situation to get the thoughts out.
i need keys.. i need speed.. i need my words flying through my head to funnel down through my arms and work its way into my fingers, darting over the silver keys and instantaneously appearing in front of my eyes.
i need that, i need the instant response. instant gratification. instant satisfaction.

sometimes its just feels better to give in.

day one on the rest of my life. until this drags me down and i need to find resurrection in the form of something else.