to myself

you are a strong, strong women. you have come far in your life. you have worked hard. you don't deserve any of it. you were not brought this far on your own drive, on your own strength, on your own path. you were guided, every step of the way. he won't stop now.

you WILL be okay. you WILL face more hard times. you WILL NOT let that stop you. you will not let that stop you from happiness, from your future, from being who you are called to be. your LORD has his hand on you, he helps carve your path. he is not stopping now, and you're getting in the way.

stop beating yourself up! stop with the crazy thoughts about 'what if' and 'but i wanted to' and 'i'm too young to..' STOP IT! you will life the life intended. your every dream may not be fulfilled, but you'll be okay with it. remember how bad you wanted to be a horse breeder? a horse trainer? a professional horseback rider? do you want that anymore? no. you yearned for it, you ached for it, you strived for it, and then you mourned its loss and moved on. now, you don't wish for it anymore. that was never GOD's dream for you. that was your own dream. who's to say LA and nashville and a big city isn't the same thing? who's to say that what you think you want, isn't in fact the best thing for you?

and if it is? it will be provided. it will be given to you. you, on your death bed, will be content with your life. happy. why? not because you were given everything you hoped, or you made every correct decision, but because the LORD guided your every decision.

keep your GOD in your prayers, in the forefront of your mind. remember why you're on this earth. remember who keeps you alive. remember who led you to kentucky. and importantly, remember the path that brought you to kentucky. it was CERTAINLY not easy, certainly not fun, and certainly not the wisest choice. but look to where god led you when you turned to him. look to where you landed.

stop looking at your future as a whole. each day is something. it should not be skimmed over or lumped into a group of 600, 900, 1200. stop it! stop belittling your future and your god, and let him work. let him guide and lead.

the same way you wouldn't go into a battle unarmed or unprotected, don't go into a decision looking forward. go into every step of your life looking up. he will guide you. he won't let you fall.