lets meet tonight on top of the world

i havent felt this uneasy and unsure of myself in quite some time. this day has been beyond surreal and the past few weeks, months, days are beginning to take its toll on me. i cant wake up without wishing i was back in bed. i cant open my eyes without feeling nostalgic for closure. i cant breathe without it ending in a sigh. every day feels like the same over and over. yet so varied. i find myself growing wearing of inhaling, of dreaming, of thinking. i wish for nothing more than in between sheets with my eyes closed and where my guard is down.

i feel the need to move. to walk. to run. im uneasy when im alone and exhausted when im on the phone. i cant handle the silence and i cant handle the noise. i hate being with people and i think too much when im alone. my hands are shaking and they dont have a reason. i havent tiptoed this much since...

three more weeks and im gone. three more weeks and this is all behind me. i dont want this to be over, but i cant handle it anymore. i want to just exist for a week, with nothing more than to worry about what im going to wear. i hate obligations, responsibilities, things i need to get done, homework, endless lists of things to do, and feeling like i am everywhere i shouldnt be. its all the same after the last few months.

i cant handle what you do, but i want it more than anything. i cant handle being your net, but i love every second of it. i tell myself im stronger than this, but my body is having a hard time believing it.

we're not alone.
we are hanging here.