hey hey, look kid.

for so long, this has been something i wanted.
my writing became cathartic; inspired.
for so long, this has been something i wanted.

i feel as though im trying to keep a hold on water. trying to keep time from slipping through my fingers. escapable. too easily.
just sad. its all thats on my mind. this song is on repeat and replaying scenes like nobody's business. laughing at fate, cracking smiles at screens, depending on you to be up at anytime i was, postcards, pictures from places ive never been. smiles. laughter. my mind being blown by the sheer thoughts that crossed them.

i cant do anything but lay here eyes closed tight against the tears that want to come so badly. "i'm not worth your tears." but what if they never come?
i want to be everywhere and nowhere right now. i want out of my mind and away from my thoughts. i don't want to think like this again. i want to be at home.
i want to be in pine park. i wanted the collision of dreams and reality, my home. two places i never thought would exist.
listening to music we both heard one year ago in the same city. its coincidences like these that make me think. horoscopes speaking more truth and depth than other things that come to mind. i want to so badly sometimes, but i won't let this go.

"i hold grudges like its my job' vs. 'i just want to forget this'. which one will it be?
i can't believe this is where i am.

i can't believe this week. if you would have told me this is where i would be two weeks ago, i would have laughed at you. on so many levels. in so many different ways.
so much can change in one week. i'm crossing my fingers and praying for the best.

literally.
"wait for me like im waiting for you"