i'm a careless season.

its the way i cant fall asleep at night and the way i'm holding on. its the way i know better and the way i wish i could forget this. i had myself convinced from the beginning this was a bad idea and nothing more; a daydream and a whimsical notion. but then you talked me into it. i talked myself into it. its funny how easily one can let go of the doubt by not a single word being passed. in the worst of times, it's when i fall. when i'm caught off guards.

i want this feeling to end. i want you to go away. i'm sick of caring and i'm sick of wondering. of guessing. of knowing i'm being unrealistic. this is nothing and i expect nothing. yet there is the tiniest part of me that can't seem to get out of the way, that can't seem to make up her mind. there is part that reads between the lines and closes her eyes on a sigh.

i walk around during the day and my mind is restless. not on you. on everyone else. come nightfall, you are my only thought. its ridiculous.

i want to forget this. i want to be who i was a few months ago. this needs to be over.