I have been forgetting to update this :) so much has occurred since then!
Tonight, however, we finished it invitations. That was huge. The process of creating and making and everything was really a huge pain!
08 May 2013
23 January 2012
darling, i do
i could lay in bed with you forever, just feeling you, smelling you, and looking at you.
that, dearest one, would be perfect. i can think of no better way to spend my time, than looking in your deep, wonderfully blue eyes, my fingers trailing over your skin, closing my eyes and just breathing you in.
i just can't tell you what you mean to me. i just want to be able to express myself perfectly, but i just find myself grasping around in the air, trying to grab words and string them together to create the best sentence, the best paragraph, the best way to express what you do to me. what the mere presence of you does to me.
you walk into a room, and my eyes are drawn to you. magnets. i have no power to pull my line of vision from you. butterflies, in my stomach. my lips curl in to a smile involuntarily. this is just something my body does; this is just effect to your cause.
i come undone when i see you. i come undone when i lie with you. i just unravel and fall into your arms. i try my best to physically fill the gaps between us, contorting my body to get as close to you as i can. when the length of your body is pressed against mine, it's heaven.
your warmth, perfect. i didn't know how cold it felt until i'm pressed against your side, and then i'm aware of how imperfect and chilled i was before. your skin, heaven. to have you against me is to define comfort.
i long to hear your voice, to feel your voice. to feel the words escape you and rumble in your chest, and vibrate through my body. it's incredible. it's amazing to feel what you're saying as you're saying it. to be aware of your every movement. to feel your chest rise and fall, to feel your heartbeat through your back. goodness.
i wish so badly i could tell you how i feel. but these words, they just don't do justice. they don't even begin to describe how you make me feel. there's nothing i can do to really truly do it justice.
there's nothing i can do, except live the rest of my life loving you.
Posted by louise at 12:43 AM 0 comments
20 November 2011
i can see but i've lost my sight
man, did i used to write.
Posted by louise at 2:19 PM 0 comments
19 November 2011
to myself
you are a strong, strong women. you have come far in your life. you have worked hard. you don't deserve any of it. you were not brought this far on your own drive, on your own strength, on your own path. you were guided, every step of the way. he won't stop now.
Posted by louise at 1:33 AM 0 comments
03 October 2011
love.
how do i know the love that i have is true? is real? is God-given?
Posted by louise at 12:15 AM 0 comments
24 September 2010
i'm giving you my heart to break
wine, sometimes, make things clearly. allows the brain to forget about barriers and walls. it makes things a little less refined, a little more casual.
i think i needed it. i needed a moment to let it all down and out and without holding back. to really experience fully what has been living in the back of my mind without the attachment of emotions, anxiety, disappointment, fear.
i fell. hard. really hard. it may have been totally irresponsible on my fault. i probably shouldn't have let it happen. but i've had my guard up for the past few years. i'm used to being a time bomb.. a ticking clock. it felt good to let that part of me go for awhile. i didn't realize it would reach this point and threaten to blow up in my face.
but the thing is, i have this incredible desire to move away. to prove myself over and over and over. i can't do that here. i don't WANT to do that here. i want to be away. to be on a coast. to be in a city. to be where i'm comfortable, and challenged, and carefree, and on my guard. there's that one city that has my heart in its grasp and won't let go. but i know its not love. i know its not lifelong. i just want that city for awhile. for a season.
but i want him for longer.
i don't see them on the same plane. i don't see them as because i want one, i can't have the other. or rather, because i want one, means i care about the other less.
because i'd give anything for him.
i'm just constantly in a state of desire. desire to move, to leave, to live up to my potential. i feel as if i'm not allowed to live up to my full potential here in kentucky. i love it here. so much. don't get me wrong. this is the best place i've ever lived.
but i still want los angeles for awhile. it was a short season in my life, and i want it again but longer. not much longer, but i do want it for more than eight months. after that, after i know what i CAN be and gain priceless experience, i'll live anywhere. anywhere.
Posted by louise at 8:58 PM 0 comments
04 August 2010
i've been up nights
in the past, i've fallen, and fallen hard.
but this one, i can tell, is different.
hes inspiring me to be beautiful. in more ways than one. my every fiber is straining to be heard, to be gorgeous, to be creative, to be good enough for his compliments, his adoration, his love.
i've never tried so hard to be the best version of myself. and the thing is, it's not even trying. its simply being.
i've never felt so appreciated for just being. i can do no wrong.
all the cliches are coming true. his smile lights up my room. my mind won't stop wandering. my fingers long to rest on his skin. my bed is cold when he's not there. i've daydreamed during work, had conversations in my head with him, have been on picnics in my head, have been on walks, leisurely strolling, hand in hand. nothing i can think up compares to the power of his being in reality.
i want to be perfect, if not to let him down. i want to live up to his praise, to give him something worth falling for.
he makes me want to take up dancing, so i could attempt to express myself through dance. to pick up singin, so i could try to communicate how i feel through song. to be the best at everything, so i can compete and win in his name. because he deserves it all, deserves the best, and for some reason he's chosen me.
Posted by louise at 2:33 AM 0 comments
10 April 2010
unfinished 'love' letter to unknown
i lost you before i had you
i realize now the perfection was imagined in my head
its time to let go
and its time to move on
i had it down to a science in my head
and when your favorite song comes on my radio
i wonder if you know mine?
i wonder if you'd care?
if you'd lose sleep thinking of me at night
keeping your pillow warm beside you
if you'd ever imagined summers, winter, autumns, springs,
spent in my company, talking, laughing, discovering.
Posted by louise cincala at 4:55 PM 0 comments
24 January 2010
let me slip away silently
and you'll never know i was here
i'll disappear out the door
i'll step carefully to avoid
the groaning of the floor
let me slip away sliently
you'll never know i left
without a word, into the night
without a goodbye
i'm trying to hard, i'm putting this on myself
the bleakness of the sky, the rain falling down
makes me feel more clearly, more wrongly
i never had you to begin with. you were never mine
but i got used to the idea of us together
i want free from this.
i asked over and over and over
but i can't get through
i'm reading too closely
i'm looking for signs in the sky
i want this to be right so bad, it's wrong
i'm gone
i'm out of here
i'm not looking back
i've got to get my head clear
Posted by louise cincala at 9:22 PM 0 comments
22 November 2009
you've got me in your peripheral vision
sometimes i feel like i'm never going to break through.
he has no idea how badly he's scarred my heart those six or seven years ago. all those words, so easily dished out, left such an impact; i didn't realize the severity of them until now.
so many years down the road, and i still question every step i take, every word i say, every effort i let out. is it too much? is it too soon? is it not enough? am i doing this right?
its this feeling of doubt that i'm scared will haunt me forever, leave me second guessing every moment, reading too far between the lines, not able to take everything at face value.
it's sad, really.
and on top of it, my stronger, more secure and confident side, that i've built up over the past years, makes me wonder if its really ME to blame. should i be pointing fingers? can't i just own up and take responsibility for my actions, my fears, my doubts?
i hate this inner battle. this battle that threatens to tear apart every relationship. my biggest battle is living with these doubts and being able to keep them under control.
it is silly. it is juvenile. and i'm so ready to grow up and let them go. i think i just need someone to help me overcome it all.
Posted by louise cincala at 5:17 PM 0 comments