you've got me in your peripheral vision

sometimes i feel like i'm never going to break through.
he has no idea how badly he's scarred my heart those six or seven years ago. all those words, so easily dished out, left such an impact; i didn't realize the severity of them until now.
so many years down the road, and i still question every step i take, every word i say, every effort i let out. is it too much? is it too soon? is it not enough? am i doing this right?
its this feeling of doubt that i'm scared will haunt me forever, leave me second guessing every moment, reading too far between the lines, not able to take everything at face value.
it's sad, really.

and on top of it, my stronger, more secure and confident side, that i've built up over the past years, makes me wonder if its really ME to blame. should i be pointing fingers? can't i just own up and take responsibility for my actions, my fears, my doubts?

i hate this inner battle. this battle that threatens to tear apart every relationship. my biggest battle is living with these doubts and being able to keep them under control.

it is silly. it is juvenile. and i'm so ready to grow up and let them go. i think i just need someone to help me overcome it all.