i'm alone in this

i go back and forth between emotions. exaltation and despair. i'm tired of not knowing how to feel when i wake up. this roller coaster is nothing i asked for and nothing i want to be a part of. forget it, its not worth it.

i just want this to be a phase more than anything. but even it if it is a phase, there's going to be something left over. you know better than anyone how i value trust. and how willingly i give it out and accept it. i've been hurt but that doesn't stop me from trying. and i feel used and recycled. i'm replaceable. thats the worst feeling to feel when you go to bed at night.

i hate being alone. and that's all i've been feeling. i need time to think, and i can't. i can't have a second to be okay. i can't have a minute with just you. its everyone or its me. and i chose myself.

i hate sounding selfish, but its my turn. when was the last time you thought about how i might feel? all of you? you never do. its always you and your busy schedules. no time for anything.

you don't even know what that word entails.

see you later.

on the other hand..

i've never been happier.