i need inspiration

frustrated.
you are mediocre.
and you dont know it.
its a matter of opening your eyes. realizing what is wrong, what is right. you aren't anything special, not right now, but you have the ability to be. stop with the words, stop with the forcing things. you aren't getting this anywhere. be productive. open up. i am in this for the right reasons, but sometimes i wonder that your passion is muddy. i won't be able to handle this that long if this is how its going to be. i odnt want to control your every step, but with each foot forward you stray further off the path of common sense. think. don't act. be professional. you treat this as friendships and a laughing matter. this isn't something that we can do on by the seat of our pants. we need to calculate every move, and write it off as a business deal. you have nothing of this. you aren't ready for this.
and because of this, you are losing me.
its a few more months, and this loss of interest will mix with my lacking motivation and your stupidity, meld with this dream, and tear it to the ground.

in other news,
i'm more puzzled that i have ever been. words fall out of my lips like rain in the desert. this absense of the known is creating a barrier between my heart and my head. so many opprotunies and no direction to handle them. i'm sitting at a crossroads with my fingers crossed. i cast wishes to the heavens above me but they are getting lost on the way. my words only go as far as the ceilings, and fall back to the ground. crash and burn. i feel alone, and so fulfilled. i am alive. my smile has grown brighter, and i'm hoping i'm not the only one realizing this.

i'm tired of black holes. of never being able to escape. the problem of pride; the main issue is there is no solution. i can't free myself of it.

my heart is uneasy these days.