whereever you are, i hope that you're happy

i can look around this room and point out instances of my life. moments of definition, of maturity, of laughter and tears. reminiscene. i know exactly where i am. including you.

the past few days have left me wondering so much. regretting a few. at terms with others; uneasy with more. i wish i could take a few steps back in time; id change a few things here and there.
i'm okay. it didn't take long. but sometimes these tears still want to fall and sometimes they would rather not. the inconsistancy is what is throwing me. that and my dreams of else..

the only constant thing i have is the clicking of these keys. sometimes they betray me, sometimes they encourage me. other times they tear me down and are my worst vice. the way i word things is a disappointment and a let down--especially when i allow myself to get so inspired.. comparable..

i haven't any idea where any of this may lead me. this whole month could go up in smoke. these next two could die off quite easily. ten weeks down the road and who really knows? so much has changed in a short amount of time. i can't expect it to stay the same forever.

i've learned holding my breath and praying is better than opening my mouth. i speak too quickly, too harshly, too rashly. i'll never learn.

this isn't what i intended. i secretly expected this, but deep down wished against it. right now, i'm thinking it might be okay. but it still hurts at times. it still does.

to my right is the love of my life. i wish i could curl up in a ball, place a hand over my eyes, and fall asleep. i wish my biggest worry was 'is she going to come up at nine tonight, or will i have to meet her halfway?'

oh, how my heart breaks daily.