this could be yours

i lay here in the middle of my room. surrounded by a desert of carpet, strewn items, and lost hope.

i know this time around there were exceptions and reasons. it wasn't just a change of heart nor a change of mind. but it still hurts a little. my head has grown too heavy to hold up and my tears spill over my hands. my breath is coming shorter and shorter and my eyes are growing weary. i'm left trying to fit answers to "what if"s and "what happened"s.

it always ends the same way. doubt. confusion. lack of confidence and lack of self approval. left wondering "whats wrong with me"
i'm easy to pass up. to walk away from. to forget. i'm so easy to forget. i'm left in the wake of disaster and linger for a bit. walking through a room of memories, fingers brushing the dust covered trophy case of good intentions and day dreams. i wake up with my heart content and fall asleep with my heart bruised.

i don't understand. if i'm half as good as people say i am, why do i allow myself to get crushed so easily? why has it been years and years since something real, and months since any real potential? and how do people remember to forget me so easily?

am i that unimpressionable?

as my breath trembles out of shaking lips, i have to ask myself what is the point in trying?
i sit back and wait for things to come to me, Lord knows i have been patient, and it's getting me nowhere.

i hate feeling like this.
not good enough.