i'm a self help video with the worst themes

that didnt hurt as much as i thought it would.


on second thought...


oh, and her feelings are fleeting. they change like the seasons. i wonder if he knows that.

i'm done talking about this. to everyone. because i know i'm just frustrating everyone. no one understand really, except the one person i can not talk to. i am sick of covering up for you, and then wondering why i do so. i am tired of friendships being affected, and not just how one would think. i'm sick of people in my life disappearing for long periods and then making comebacks and pretending things haven't changed.

i am included in that. i disappear, i vanish, for periods of time. i have times of discovery, of recognition of who i am. where everything fits. when i'm strong. when i know what i want.

and then i disappear. i'm gone. i'm left confused, distraught, tearing apart relationships and writing letters and postcards to myself, begging myself to come back. i turn my back on what's important, i lose sight of the ultimate goal, the ultimate destination.

i return. i'm confused by the change, by how i got the way i did, how things fell apart.

repeat.