you're crashing, but you're no wave

my life is a single cycle. what i put in comes right back out. and the days, weeks, months, seasons, years all pass with relative predictability. time keeps changing, i am nostalgic for the same reasons, the same feelings, and its the same year after year.
rain and a cool breeze reminds me of spring. brings me back to last year walking lavender lined sidewalks with people who made me laugh. i was content in those moments. it was in those other moments where my world fell down.
and now. i long for the same. dull green and grey isnt cutting it right now. the lack of snow and the lack of continuity is playing with my mind. i find myself listening to the same i have been for years and years. longing for the longing to return home. homesick is a state of mind, and im travelling.
i nevrer knew i had this drive in me, this drive to sit and accomplish. but its all for the wrong reasons, or is it the right reason? did you know a little bit of recognition can go a long way? i'm pouring a lot into this too. so much time, thoughts, day dreaming. maybe you're scared of it. so am i.
but if you left it up to me, everyday would be a holiday from real
if only you knew what we had planned for next year.
if only you knew how well it will fall through.
if only you knew how much hope this gives me.
i've said it before and of course its in reference to you.
my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
im a stupid girl and i get excited way too easily. what do you expect? its been years since someone has cared.
even if you dont, you do a great job of pretending. and thats enough for me to live on.
i feel content. content with myself.
with the windows open.
with the door open.
metaphorically and literally.
theres so much planned for the next few months, its a wonder my mind isnt being blown.
im more content when im busy. things are more spontaneous this way.
no room for time and breathing allows for more time to blow off plans and create new ones.
i love it.
i cant wait.
for the rain and the green and the tires on the road. loud music and laughter intermixed with live music.
oh, its going to be a blast.

usher in spring 2007.