now shes shutting down

my heart cant handle this.
im terrified of being alone. and you go, and she will go, and im alone.
im all alone.
you are the reason its so great here. and im terrified you are making a mistake. not because of my own selfishness, but because you dont realize it. you are happy.
you dont know what its like to truly hate a place. to desire to be anywhere else in the world, that if you stay there one more minute your brain will shut down and your body will collapse and your heart will follow. to feel such resentment and hatred that no matter what, you feel you cant live anymore. to truly despise most everything around you.
and now i know how it was. for you. for her. for them all. to listen.
im so sorry, because i had no idea my words contained so much anger, bitterness, poison. i had no idea it could kill.
you dont know.
you think.
but you really dont. and you shouldnt. you shouldnt ever. you should leave.

her hand is on the doorknob and her fingers are trailing off the cool metal. one twist right and this is gone. forever. the phone doesn't want to be woken up and it doesnt work too well both ways. secrets will remain hidden. go ahead and talk. go ahead. behind my back, behind closed doors. my silence will raise questions, and will raise suspicion. but i wont cave. because the second the words come, so will the tears.

i need on again. this is going no where good.
you wont be happier and you will regret it.

hes stringing her along and she cant even see it. he has a crush but really he is just crushing her heart. holding hands is more like holding grudges. its better to keep them close. it hurts more that way.

i didnt know this morning my world could crash.

the second i let someone close, they disappear.