swear im clinical

i might dedicate myself to a cheshire lifestyle. manical. enthusiastic.
fake.

painfully buzzed and the outcast. toast to the third wheel syndrome. eyes closed to the tears and fingers going at the rate of my thoughts. typing on phones to pretend to fit in. faked laughter and forced smiles. this is how i deal with people i dont care about, not the people i care worlds and oceans about.
just down another and embrace liquid friendship. this is all expected.
its nothing like i expected. i have painted a picture perfect situation over the past four years and two weeks of imperfection, four months of pure struggle, and one week of familiar bliss is (hopefully not) enough to destroy a strong bond between five entities.
we've been alone for only four months and in that time developed and not completely included the others. some more so than others.
i blame it on the medicene, but it could possibly be symbolic of getting rid of friendships, of stress, of taking in too much. why must one take on all the problems and responsibilies that aren't hers? is this just a fluke.. shall we give it another few months and see how things go?