its been a bad day

he screams for help but no ones hears; his words fall not on ears but on skin. there isnt a single physical thing sharp enough to break the surface, not paperclips, not pencils, not razors. only words and pain far beyond anything he can understand. and the fastness of being alone. it takes his breath away--to be standing in the corner watcing the people around him laughing. he is hit with the overwhelming pain of aloneness, of nothingness, of lonliness in a crowd. his knees buckle and he collapses sideways into a chair, the shot glances blaming it on the alcohol and pur him another glass. its the feeling of desparation; give me anything for tonight. i can make it through alive. take my mind away from here. recklessness to keep myself from screaming.

i am gone. i have passed the state of normality and entered into a ward.
break free.

its never the same the next day. only worst or better. its echoes of last year, but they arent disappearing. im at the other end of the tunnel, hearing my voice come back louder. so surreal, so unknown.