ignoring sound advice and any thought of consequence

my nose has a puncture wound.
but only because i wanted it to be there.

a step into freedom, into adulthood. who knew a tiny fake diamond could mean more that meets the eye? its a signal of my rebellion, my ability to make my own choices, to live to the consequences. throw my hands up and devil take the hindmost. its my life, its my body, its my choices. i have to make my own. i cant rely on you forever, i cant live up to your expectations forever. as much as i wish i could.

my future is blurred, my hopes are high, my expectations high and low. my past is definate and can't be changed. small insignificant sentences drawn from conversations in kitchens and sunlight to whispered words with held hands are brought to mind more and more each day. oh, how easily you can forget. oh, how easy it is for you to not turn around, to see my mouth trembling with words desiring to burst forth, to tell you how things are, to tell you how things could be, how much i might miss you, how much i desire for the ease we used to converse with. its not that i long for the past, its that i long for a future with you in it. not in the spotlight, but not far from it. for support and friendship and ease during the winter months, sitting on the couch with snow falling outside the comfort of a house. movies and music and words passed between us with the casualty it used to be. we have grown so much, so much more to discuss, so little time, so little effort, so little...
we have grown, but grown so apart. at night, right before i close my eyes, take comfort in the fact you still cross my mind, in words whispered to a higher being for your protection, your success, your happiness.
that road once travelled has taken a turn. the turn im willing to follow. but we arent on it anymore, we are so lost. so lost.
i understand. we are oh so different. but please, just realize we are still the same. arent we?
arent we?

"and it feels like we could last forever"