we're kept together by highways and telephone lines

i want so bad to tell you how i feel, but i'm trying so hard to keep this about you. its what i needed, and its what you need now, i'm sure of it. i need some sort of escape, though. i only hope you don't see this until weeks down the road. months, maybe.

i didn't want this to mean as much as it does. and it's not like it its the be all and end all, but it makes me so sad to know things how i knew it will be changed. it didn't feel real for a while.. i was eased into it, as were you. but counting down days to when you hit the road is making it more and more real to me. maybe i'm just delayed, i'm sure i'd be feeling it more had i been there. but since i'm miles away and there's only so much i can feel at once, i'm behind. and now i'm reeling trying to keep up.

you've been on my mind so often for the past few days, its killing me to think it will be a while until i see you again. i had my heart set on april, but i don't want to be a hindrance on you at all. i just want you to be happy, and i don't want to jeopardize that in any way. i'm a selfish person, but when it comes to you, i've never been more level headed or understanding. this is as easy as it should be, and i hope upon hope you can say the same.

my mind is everywhere right now. i can't seem to keep a straight thought for the life of me. its been this way for months and months.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i don't know how this will turn out. but whichever way it does, i want you to know i have your best interest in mind. i'm okay with anything, though i'd prefer to be back a few months. my heart misses you, and i have a feeling things are going to get worse. on the plus side, this place has prepared me, as with the past 4 years of my life, to sit in a car with more patience than i've ever had. that could work, right?