i make plans to break plans and i've been planning something big

i feel young.
i feel so frustrated.
i didnt know i had this inside of me until i opened it up.
and now i cant stop.

he wont let me grow. he wont let me adapt.
i know you love me, i know you care. i care a lot too, i know all of this.
but let me go!
let me live. let me experience. you know how you were when you were young. let this be the same for me.
i need to learn, i wont get hurt. i will be okay. im strong. you dont know this, because i dont think you see it.
you look at me and see five years old.
i look in the mirror and see nineteen.
how do we differ? we are so different and so much alike.
i understand where you are coming from, but i need to live! i need to not be smothered!
i cant tell if you are holding me to my dreams, my five year old self, or just not open to me growing and adapting.
i have new passions, i have a new way of life.
i need to discover them all!
i feel like you take it personally; is this what you wanted for me so now you are wanting it more than i?
i had to convince you for this too, now you are just so stuck in it you wont let it go.
i need to be free of this.
this is causing pain unlike anything i should be feeling.
i need to live my life without being afraid of you.
i am.. im afraid.

and i cant talk. i cant let it go because im so scared of hurting you.
but in realiity im hurting myself.

and im blowing this up.

im done.