faith keep me strong, love lead me on

i just typed so much of everything i wanted to say and be told, but it was deleted and now i cant be bothered to type it all up again.

confusions got a hold of me, and now i don't know what to do. so many past events are being brought up and now i dont know what to do, how to handle myself.
past dreams i thought were laid to rest are brought up with the intense passion they started with. they originated from. this inward battle isn't over, as i thought it was. i dont know how to live for it, but i do know how to live with my newest dreams. how do i deal with this, how do i accomplish both? do i need the experience like i think i do? do i need to live for it like i think i did?

being in the library makes me feel something im not used to. being in frat houses makes me feel a part of something im not. im not that, im not who you think i am. im two people in one, and its starting to get ahold of me.

i just want to be known, to be read. putting it out there isn't enough, i need peole to resonate with my emotions and thoughts, i need people to discuss how i feel and how i look at the world i need people to read this and want to be with me, my mind needs to get the best of someone until they are all i have.

seeing people love someone else makes me feel happy, as if i am loved myself. i am not. i want someone to love me the way other people love.
i have such a capacity for this, and no one understands.